woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
this hospital has no fireball
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
