Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
