i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
