i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
