Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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