Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize