did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
