i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
