I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize