Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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