Where is the hickey?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize