Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just made my gag reflex go away.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
