He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
