I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
