I just threw up on my dentist
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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