All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize