i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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