Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
