they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
