My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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