Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
