Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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