I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
