I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize