He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
