I faked an abortion last night.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize