Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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