He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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