its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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