I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
