so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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