I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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