I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
