5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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