My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
