dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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