He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
