You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Still dying that you shit outside
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
