What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Banned from zoo.
Again?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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