Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
