He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im holly from the hills drunk
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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