Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
