some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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