he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
