By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
