The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
