I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
