come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
