when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize