im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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