I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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