Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
