pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
