I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
