So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize