Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
