dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize