just survived the first fart of the relationship.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
