I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize