I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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