I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
