I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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