I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
