I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
