STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
