It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
babies were throwing up all over the place
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
