I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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