That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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