Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
