I want to have your abortion
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
