I skipped work to stalk him.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
