I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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