CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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