I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
