i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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